she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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