Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
