Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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