This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
