I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
