You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
