We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Less talking, more tequila
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
