I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
