dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
