2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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