You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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