Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
