A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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