fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just cropdusted the office
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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