I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
