My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
