i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
