Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
