Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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