So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I came so hard my ears popped.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
