She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
