If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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