My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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