Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
