Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
