So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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