So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
