It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
