Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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