i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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