so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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