you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
