Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
