I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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