Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
