You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
