it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
