So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
