Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
