I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
