just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
