You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
