I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
