I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
