Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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