Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
