why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
