don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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