Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
