You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
